Kiss
Puke
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
