the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
wow bdsm is so cute
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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