I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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