Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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