Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
