thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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