Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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