so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
