I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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