I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
