Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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