I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
