i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
