I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
