I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just high enough for therapy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
