none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
