I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
