I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize