Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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