uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
