Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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