Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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