Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
