So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
