I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
