did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
