Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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