The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
