Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
