Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
