I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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