Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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