but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
