The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
