I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize