My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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