I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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