8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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