Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
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