2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
