My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
