lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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