I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
