Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
