Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
