She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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