Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
