Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
