his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
