I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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