I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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