her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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