Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my shit smells like andre
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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