I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
