If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
