i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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