Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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