I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
