just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
