I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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