Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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