tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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