look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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