hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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