Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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