I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
