My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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