Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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